My precious big brother became an alcoholic after splitting with his wife.
I will never find out the exact beginning of his addiction, but it seems he used drink to cushion the pain of his 'loss'. He would dissapear for days, weeks and even months. Travelling the uk, and ofcourse drinking.
Kevin's alcohol consumtion seemed a problem to many, but I knew that he had an illness. A very serious illness.
Kevin spent the best part of five years coming in and out of our lives briefly. We worried about him extently when we didnt hear from him and we asked him to stay so we could know he was safe, but he wanted to get off the drink on his own.
He hated how much his addiction affected the family, he was a very considerate person.
My brother was not himself when he was drinking. He would often turn up dirty, unshaven and under weight. This was not in his character, the drink had taken over his life.
There were times when he was sober, going to the gym, looking for work or doing courses. Infact there was many times. But he always said the most difficult times were meeting familiar 'drinking faces' in town and sometimes, he just couldnt cope and gave in.
Kevins illness was not just an addiction, there was hurt and pain within him which needed to be released but he didnt know how. He couldnt cope with the feelings, and he drunk to cover them up, not realising that it only made things worse.
Although alcohol was a big problem for many years in Kevin's life, there were moments were I had my Big Bro back. I cherish these moments deeply in my heart. I can remember us talking about old times and the things we used to get upto, but most importantly - making new memories. He would also do favours for the family when he was sober, helping out with gardens etc or general things around the house. He used to love taking my dogs for a nice long walk, because he always loved going out walking for the day. Kevin would also cook meals for me, which I loved. He was very talented in the kitchen, and often taught me little tricks with cutting, preparing and cooking food. Kevin always wanted to help others, and this helped his healing.
Kevin often sent me letters, mostly from prison where he would be in for offences related to his alcohol intake - drunk & disorderly or criminal damage. Kevin rarely remembered any of the things he done, and was always so apologetic in the morning when he was sober and the police told him what had went on the previous night. He knew many of the officers, and they cared for him. They knew he wasnt a bad person, he was a good person with an illness - and the police were very kind to him and often went out there way to help him. He never liked me visiting him in prison, he didnt want me to be around the people who were in there. He was very protective, he didnt want his little sis in that enviroment. So he would make me cards, decorate letters with little doodles, hearts and lots of kisses. He would write me poems too, which really touched my heart. I could tell the words written on that paper, came directly from the deepest part of his heart - the part he reserved for his little sister and that means the world to me. I still have all of them.
A phonecall from Kevin was like a phonecall from heaven, it was rare but it made me so happy to hear his voice. I didnt care what he had done, where he was or what state he was in, I was just happy he was here at all.
Sharyn x