An Alcoholics Sister

In the hours, days and weeks following Kevin's death I felt completely numb. My heart felt like it had stopped beating, and dispair sat in my veins.

I couldnt bare the thought of another family going through this, I still cant. I have to do something.

www.justgiving.com/kevindillon

So many people just walk past drunks lying on the ground, and so many forget that the human being lying on the ground is someones family and the fact that they could be dead. Someone could be looking for there son, sister or husband. Someone could be sat at home worried sick about where there loved one is, hoping that someone will care enough to look out for them if they get into trouble.

When Kevin was gone, id pray and hope that if hes fallen or collapsed that someone will care for him, because his life WAS important enough. Yes he was a drunk, yes he had an addiction and yes that came with mental health issues - but he didnt ask for it.

So many people forget that alcohol addiction is an illness, and it can be uncontrollable without help. Alcoholics need support, understanding and medical help to get there lives back - and thats why I am raising money for Bethany House, the place who allowed my brother somewhere safe to stay, and a listening ear when he didnt want to bother his family.

Bethany House supported Kevin, and gave him his life back - even for a few months. I cant thank them enough for that, and I want to help other people.

I want to help support the vulnerable people that society forgot about.

Please donate what you can to my JustGiving Fundraising page, in memory of my big brother. He meant the world to me, and I dont want anymore lives to be wasted. Every life is as important as the next. Please help me do what I can.

www.justgiving.com/kevindillon

Kevin had decided to get away from his hometown and head for the city, to get away from all those drinking faces and try to get off the drink for good.

Kevin moved to Edinburgh and began recieving help from a place called Bethany House. It is a safe house, run by a Christian Charity, who help vulnerable and unsettled men who are either homeless or at risk of being homeless. http://www.bethanychristiantrust.com/

Here Kevin recieved support for his addiction, and was well on his way to getting his life back.

My Big Bro didnt want us to visit until he felt ready, it felt so good that he was doing this for himself. He still phoned and wrote letters to me, telling me how well he was doing. I was so proud of him.

12th July 2008. The day my life fell apart. My partner, Eddie had just left for work. As I sat down on the sofa, my phone rang. It was my sister, Lynelle and she sounded upset. I started to worry, the first thing I thought about was Kevin. She asked me if Eddie was there, I told her no and asked her what was wrong. As I heard her try to steady her tears, I knew it was something really bad...

She said 'It's Kevin, hes dead Sharon' She explained to me he had been found in a park in Edinburgh, he was gone.

I dont remember much after this point, just crying and sobbing 'No, no, no, Kevin'. I couldnt breath, it felt like someone had a tight grip around my neck and a blade in my chest. My heart was breaking, into tiny little peices and scattering on the floor.

Somehow I'd managed to call Eddie and he came straight home from work. Id calmed down a bit by the time he got home, I had to think of the baby. I was 15 weeks pregnant.

We went straight to my parents house where I found out that Kevin had been found the night before at 11pm by a man walking his dog. Kevin was heading for Bethany House. They didnt know how he died.

My beloved Big Brother, Kevin Alexander Dillon was taken on 11th July 2008 aged just 35.

Sharyn x

My precious big brother became an alcoholic after splitting with his wife.

I will never find out the exact beginning of his addiction, but it seems he used drink to cushion the pain of his 'loss'. He would dissapear for days, weeks and even months. Travelling the uk, and ofcourse drinking.

Kevin's alcohol consumtion seemed a problem to many, but I knew that he had an illness. A very serious illness.

Kevin spent the best part of five years coming in and out of our lives briefly. We worried about him extently when we didnt hear from him and we asked him to stay so we could know he was safe, but he wanted to get off the drink on his own.

He hated how much his addiction affected the family, he was a very considerate person.

My brother was not himself when he was drinking. He would often turn up dirty, unshaven and under weight. This was not in his character, the drink had taken over his life.

There were times when he was sober, going to the gym, looking for work or doing courses. Infact there was many times. But he always said the most difficult times were meeting familiar 'drinking faces' in town and sometimes, he just couldnt cope and gave in.

Kevins illness was not just an addiction, there was hurt and pain within him which needed to be released but he didnt know how. He couldnt cope with the feelings, and he drunk to cover them up, not realising that it only made things worse.

Although alcohol was a big problem for many years in Kevin's life, there were moments were I had my Big Bro back. I cherish these moments deeply in my heart. I can remember us talking about old times and the things we used to get upto, but most importantly - making new memories. He would also do favours for the family when he was sober, helping out with gardens etc or general things around the house. He used to love taking my dogs for a nice long walk, because he always loved going out walking for the day. Kevin would also cook meals for me, which I loved. He was very talented in the kitchen, and often taught me little tricks with cutting, preparing and cooking food. Kevin always wanted to help others, and this helped his healing.

Kevin often sent me letters, mostly from prison where he would be in for offences related to his alcohol intake - drunk & disorderly or criminal damage. Kevin rarely remembered any of the things he done, and was always so apologetic in the morning when he was sober and the police told him what had went on the previous night. He knew many of the officers, and they cared for him. They knew he wasnt a bad person, he was a good person with an illness - and the police were very kind to him and often went out there way to help him. He never liked me visiting him in prison, he didnt want me to be around the people who were in there. He was very protective, he didnt want his little sis in that enviroment. So he would make me cards, decorate letters with little doodles, hearts and lots of kisses. He would write me poems too, which really touched my heart. I could tell the words written on that paper, came directly from the deepest part of his heart - the part he reserved for his little sister and that means the world to me. I still have all of them.

A phonecall from Kevin was like a phonecall from heaven, it was rare but it made me so happy to hear his voice. I didnt care what he had done, where he was or what state he was in, I was just happy he was here at all.

Sharyn x

Ever since I can remember, I have always looked upto my Big Brother - Kevin Alexander Dillon. I always had upmost respect for his fantastic nature, witty character and loving heart.

Kevin was always well dressed, in the best clothes - mostly designer! He was always preened and groomed to perfection, he worked out hard at the gym - he was always very proud of his appearance. He was so handsome.

Kevin was fantastic at anything he put his mind too, he did many sports and had many hobbies. He had a talent, that he could take his hand to anything.

He was also very funny, he was always cracking jokes and making us all laugh. He would brighten up any room in the darkest hour and thats one thing not many people can do.

My big brother was also a very loving member of the family, I always felt his sincere love and care for me...his youngest sister. He made me feel protected, respected and appreciated. I felt accepted for the person I was, and felt no need to act or behave differently around him. Our relationship was open, and honest and most importantly - full of love. No-matter where we were or who we were with, we would always part with 'Love you, Big Brother' and 'Love you, Little Sis'

He was extraordinary. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my Hero.

Sharyn x

Welcome, to my blog.

Writing this blog is going to be extremelly difficult for me to do.

I am, as the title suggests, an alcoholics sister. Here you will find out the journey of my brothers life from your average bloke, to a man with an addiction, which eventually killed him on 11th July 2008.

You will travel with me through my childhood memories, my worrying thoughts and my anquish as I buried my beloved brother.

You will find out what Alcoholism really is and just how serious it is.

Thanks for reading, I hope you stay with me on this difficult journey.

Sharyn x